


Dear Santa

by aanathemaa



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-19 15:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aanathemaa/pseuds/aanathemaa
Summary: If Buck knows one thing is that he needs to put his red suit on. It was clearly an emergency.





	Dear Santa

At first, there was Abby. The whole new and unconventional ordeal felt amazing, if you'd ask Buck. Abby managed to give him a different perspective and even taught him how to tame the fireworks within, without really losing himself in the sparks. She challenged him and his beliefs, she shaped him a more mature mind, to go with his age. She helped, truly.

And Abby wasn't the first woman to leave but she was one of the few who mattered for him, made him think. It had been way more than most of Buck's relationships so it took him a while to realize she's got different horizons on her mind, that she's not coming back.

There were times Buck was mad at her for leaving, but mostly he understood. Didn't mean he had to like it.

* * *

It was getting harder to manage his chaotic way of living. Between working long shifts in a very demanding job and trying to give his son the attention and care he needs, Eddie could barely get a moment to breathe.

His tía was right, he had to get a competent caretaker for Christopher, but the process was so exhausting. The bureaucratic hell that was the government didn't make things easy for him, as he needed to get a lot of documents in order and Christopher's mother needed to be involved because he didn't have full custody. It was getting hard to focus on his work, his patience was wearing out.

Christopher noticed it too because he was quieter than usual. Eddie didn't like that but it was hard fighting on all fronts alone.

And to top it all, his nightmares were back. Well, they were never gone to begin with, but right now it felt like he had just arrived back from the sandbox.

Of course, Eddie would never complained. Christopher was nothing but a blessing and this job had been always been his dream. Iraq was a mistake and it costed him too much.

He was going to handle this, one way or another. He had to, for Chris.

* * *

Buck didn't know how to approach Eddie. Sure, they were so much closer now and they talked a lot but Eddie still intimidated Buck a little. He was a veteran and a single father to a disabled child, working long shifts to save people. He deserved all of Buck's respect and then some. 

Which is why it was difficult to try to tell him that he looked more tired, distressed, lost in his head. The man was trying his best, Buck knew that, but he also knew that Eddie was getting sloppier, like he couldn't focus on his work all the time. 

Eddie also snapped a few times, something he rarely did, which Buck found understandable under the stress, but it still was a sign that things were getting worse.

Buck and Eddie made an awesome team at work, they just easily synced, so he didn't want to offend Eddie, or otherwise upset him. Buck wasn't known for being a smooth talker, after all.

* * *

Looking at Eddie right now as he gathered his things at the end of a long shift, Buck chewed on his lower lip. He didn't want to say the wrong thing, he just wanted to help. 

Buck was sure it had something to do with Chris. Eddie was always rushing between work and his mother's, between work and the doctor's, between work and a public office. Buck had suggested getting a nanny for Chris before, considering Eddie's mom was not up to the challenge anymore at her age, but Eddie waved it off, saying it's fine. Buck wasn't so sure though.

"Night!" Eddie suddenly said, pulling Buck out of his thoughts but not even glancing at him. He was gone before Buck could gather the courage to speak up.

He sighed and slammed the locker's door.

* * *

"Wow, you sure do like this Eddie and his son." his date said with an awkward smile. Buck realized that they were pretty much the main subject for the last half an hour of the conversation. 

"Uhm, yeah," he chuckled "so," he cleared his throat, "how about that movie you wanted us to see?" 

* * *

Of course the movie was a pretext for getting laid. At least that had been Buck's plan. But the mood had been off the whole evening so he ended up telling her there's an emergency at the station.

"Rain check?"

"Sure." Buck smiled and felt kind of guilty.

He had a crazy idea about what was holding him off and it had nothing to do with Abby.

* * *

Earphones in, Eddie was overworking himself in the gym. Buck figured anger was the only reason an exhausted man would be trying so hard. He can't understand why Eddie isn't asking for help. He must know anyone on the team would be willing to help. He has to.

"You like him," Hen says and it's like a glass of water in his face, makes him realize he had stopped mid lifting to stare at Eddie. What the hell, Buck?

"Obviously. He's part of the team." Buck says, a little off with all the jumbled up thoughts, "And he finally admitted I'm more handsome." he tries to save himself, gives Hen a small chuckle. 

"I didn't mean it like that. You like, like him." Hen says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

Buck's staring at her, confused, and he's too busy trying to figure out if she's right that he forgets to deny it.

"It's okay, I won't tell." she finally says, pats his back and walks away.

* * *

That night Buck allows himself to picture Eddie beyond the respectable single father image. It makes him hard, it makes him come. It doesn't surprise him that much. 

* * *

It's Friday night when they get a call about some kids messing with fireworks and starting a fire. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Bobby is ranting about the 4th of July and how many punks ruin things for everyone with these sort of stupid games, but all Buck can do is stare at Eddie who seems to have zoned out.

"You okay?" he tries but Eddie doesn't hear him, too deep in his thoughts. He frowns and gently hits him over the knee. "Eddie!"

"What?" Eddie answers, tone sharp, but it soothes out once he realizes his surroundings, "Sorry."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." Eddie says and smiles apologetically.

* * *

They were about done with the fire. Thankfully, it was an old abandoned house and they got there before it could extend to the nearby park. Hen and Bobby were putting out the last of it while everyone else was putting the gear back in the truck. Eddie hoped these kids would quit doing this before somebody got hurt.

He was almost by the truck when a couple of loud bangs stopped him in his tracks. Suddenly, his ears started buzzing and his mouth was going dry. The bangs echoed all around.

 _There are men in the trees_ , he realizes. And he can't see them. 

His hand immediately reached for his M4. His chest was heavier with every breath. 

_There are men in the trees._

When he can't find the M4 at his side, he drops to the ground. _There are men in the trees._ He can't see them but he knows they're there.

He looks to his side and sees old Mike. Mike with a frown on his face and a hole in his neck. _There are men in the trees_ , he knows.

It's when he can't breathe anymore that the lights go out.

* * *

Buck's halfway through returning some tools to the truck when he sees Eddie falling to the ground, crawling slowly. He isn't sure what's happening so he rushes to the man's side, crouching down when he stops moving.

"Eddie? You okay, man? You might want to wait for your bed, I don't think the ground's that comfortable."

He jokes because he doesn't know what the hell.

Eddie doesn't answer and Buck starts to feel nervous. Eddie's expression is a mix between anger and fear, but there's something empty in his eyes, like he's seeing through whatever he's looking at. Buck lays down next him slowly.

"Eddie?"

"What's going on here?" he hears Bobby ask.

" _There are men in the trees_." Eddie whispers, barely blinking. Buck doesn't know what that means.

"Buck," Bobby starts, his tone softer than before and gets closer, "he's, uhm, he's having a panic attack. He thinks he's in an ambush." he explains, and crouches down next to the boys.

"The men in the trees are dead, Eddie." it's all Bobby gets to say before Eddie passes out.

* * *

Buck's glaring at the floor when Bobby offers him a cup of coffee. It's past midnight by now but he can't refuse it. When they got to the station, Eddie became agitated so Hen gave him a light sedative. He fell asleep on the couch instantly. Hen said he'll be fine, but Buck's not sure about that. 

"Can't believe I didn't know what was happening before you told me."

Bobby makes a face.

"Not all panic attacks are the same, especially for people with PTSD."

Buck snorts, "Yeah, feels like something I should have known, something I should have seen coming."

Bobby shakes his head and tries to soothe his worries,

"None of us saw it coming, Buck."

"But I should have seen it coming, Bobby," Buck looks him in the eye now, "cause I saw him getting tired and agitated and just lost in his mind for at least a month or two."

"I should have asked him if he's okay, if he needs some help, but I'm always such an idiot when it comes to these things. I know things are far from easy for him."

He sighs.

"I should have asked."

Bobby doesn't say anything for the longest time and Buck's kind of grateful for it because he knows he fucked up and he doesn't need someone to sugarcoat it for him.

"Go home and get some sle-" 

"Bobby, no," Buck doesn't even let him finish. "I'm not-"

"Buck, Maddie will stay with Christopher until Eddie feels better and I'll be here when he wakes up."

Buck shakes his head, agitated.

"You go home, I'll stay. I'm fine. I owe him this, Bobby. I'm not leaving."

Bobby closes his eyes and sighs because Buck is as stubborn as ever.

"Fine. He should wake up soon. When he does, tell him to go home and rest. Tell him not to worry."

"I will. Thank you, sir."

Bobby nods before getting his things and leaving.

* * *

It's almost two o'clock in the morning but Buck doesn't feel sleepy at all; partially due to the coffee, partially due to how worried he is. Eddie stirs slightly and frowns. He opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling, blinks to adjust to the lightning.

"Hey," Buck says, so soft Eddie barely hears it. He looks over and breathes in.

It takes him a moment to realize he's at the station, still in his work clothes, before he remembers the fireworks and the beginning of his panic attack. Buck must have noticed the change in his features because he puts a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"Don't worry,"

"What did I do? I remember-"

"It's fine."

"No, I remember the fireworks and the buzzing and Mike and-"

"Mike?"

"What did I do?", he asks again, his tone sharper.

Eddie glares at Buck and Buck looks down.

"You just lied down on the ground and told me that there are men in the trees."

"¡No mames!" he closes his eyes and tries to make sense of the mess he made. "Fuck!"

"Eddie, look, I," Buck pauses, "It's my fault! You were dealing with a lot of things and I saw you going off the rails and I didn't say anything because I'm an asshole who doesn't know how to truly talk to people when it matters."

Eddie has a hand over his eyes now and he's not saying anything. It's driving Buck crazy.

"Everyone knows your situation isn't good. You had a panic attack. A lot of people get them. You were stressed. Don't worry about it. I'm the asshole here, I'm the one who-"

Buck stops mid sentence when Eddie suddenly sits up and looks at him.

"It was not your responsibility to help me, Buck." he says and the expression on his face breaks Buck a little. He looks quite defeated. 

"That's bullshit and you know it."

Eddie turns around but it's clear he's just exhausted.

"Wouldn't you feel responsible? You would, Eddie."

"I'm an adult, I should be able to hand-"

"I should have asked you if you needed help and you should have asked for help. Being an adult doesn't mean doing everything on your own. You're a single father working a very demanding job. When things get heavy, you ask for help."

Buck's on his feet now, angry and sorry and determined.

Eddie's just staring at him like he doesn't have any fight left in him.

"It doesn't matter. I suppose I'll lose this job anyway." Eddie says and turns around to leave.

Buck's left looking like a fish out of the water.

* * *

Eddie's putting his clothes in the locker when Buck walks in. 

"I gotta go home. The nanny probably left by now and Chris' alone. I don't like it when he's alone."

"He's with Maddie."

Eddie looks up at that.

"I gave her my keys and told her to stay with Chris overnight because Hen gave you a sedative to relax. She can handle it, you know she used to be a nurse." Buck explained, hoping that'd calm Eddie down a little.

"I know." Eddie says and smiles for the first time in what might have been, in Buck's opinion, ages.

"Will you at least let me drive you home?" Buck asks and he's got that puppy look going and Eddie can't say no.

* * *

They've been silent for the most part of the ride, Eddie just watching the city lights as they pass by. Buck is fidgety, but Eddie's used to that. He gets agitated when he's nervous.

"Bobby won't fire you over this, you must know that." Buck finally says because that's just crazy and the thought of it makes his skin crawl. Abby left. Eddie's not going anywhere.

"Maybe not, but I don't think I can handle the job anymore if I'm going to drop back in Iraq every time something makes a loud bang."

Buck swallows. He doesn't like this.

"You just had a stressful period but I'm sure you'll be fi-"

"Buck, nothing will change. I'll stay stressed because that's just how my life is right now." Eddie snaps a little because it isn't as simple as Buck makes it seem.

"I can help with that. You've got people who want to help."

"It's not their burden to carry."

"It's not a burden at all, Eddie." Buck looks at him pointedly.

Eddie looks at Buck, almost forgets to breathe out for a moment. He's so young and eager and even a little naive. Eddie wants to make him understand that things aren't that easy. Eddie also wants to kiss him badly. He has to settle for the former.

"I need a trained caretaker for Chris and the only way to get one for free is by applying for one from the government. The government's not really making it easy for me. The whole process takes a long time. And I had a hard time dealing with Shannon because I don't have full custody. This isn't ending any time soon, I just have to deal with it. And one step is looking for a job where me having a panic attack will not put someone's life in danger."

"I know someone."

"What?"

"I know a trained caretaker. She's really good too. I will pay her until the government papers are done." Buck states as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Eddie's eyes almost meet his hairline.

"You're insane. Absolutely no."

"Why?" And Buck looks genuinely confused. Which also makes Eddie want to kiss him.

"I'm not taking your money, Buck."

"Think about it as a loan. The papers will be done and approved in, say, max five months. It's not that much and you can pay me back whenever you can spare some. I mean, I don't want you to pay me back at all, but I know you're not gonna accept my help otherwise. You're stubborn like that."

The car stops in front of Eddie's place. They stare at each other for the longest time. Eddie kind of fears he might do something stupid.

"I'll think about it." he finally says and looks away when Buck starts grinning like a dork.

"I'll tell Maddie that you're waiting here. Night, Buck."

* * *

Eddie's making Chris' breakfast when Bobby calls. He looks at the phone for so long that Chris asks him if he's gonna take the call at all. He chuckles, a bit surprised, and answers.

"Hello, sir." 

"Hi Eddie, are you feeling better?" He doesn't want to lose this job but he knows better.

"Yeah, much better. Thanks. Listen, I-"

"You're going on medical for the next two weeks and Buck's telling me that you'll figure it out together. I trust you guys, but you have to make it work, Eddie, not just for work, but for yourself."

"Sir-"

"No one's blaming you, we know where you've been and where you are, so..." he pauses, "if there's anything we can do, just let us know, okay?"

Eddie doesn't even know what to say.

"I'll try my best, sir."

"I know you will. Get your certificate and we'll see you back in two weeks."

"Thank you, Captain. Really."

"Don't worry about it."

* * *

Carla immediately clicks with Eddie and Chris. She's a lovely woman, Buck thinks, so of course it goes well. As it turns out, Eddie only lets him pay half of her salary temporarily, but Buck still counts it as a win. 

* * *

"Buck, do you think Santa will get my letter?" Chris asks one day, while he and Buck are watching The Lion King. It's almost Christmas and Buck needs to be here. It's the closest he can get to a family without bothering Chim and Maddie on their first Christmas together. He loves being here, feels like he finally fits into a puzzle.

"I'm 100% sure he will get it. You've been a good boy, haven't you?" Buck plays along with a smile. 

"Well, yeah," Chris pauses, pondering, "except for when I tried to cook Daddy breakfast. He was not happy about that." he frowns and looks down. Buck can't help the chuckle.

"What happened?"

Chris sighs, as if it's a long story, and Buck thinks he's adorable.

"I tried to cook the egg in the microwave because I'm not allowed to touch the stove but the egg exploded. And I cut myself a little when I tried to cut the bread. It was a very small cut, it didn't really hurt, but Daddy was very upset. I knew I wasn't allowed to touch the knife either but I just wanted to surprise him." Eddie explained, looking genuinely disappointed.

Buck frowns and puts his arm around Chris' shoulders. 

"I understand you wanted to surprise him, buddy, but microwaves and knifes can be very dangerous for children. He was just very worried about you since he loves you so much." Buck explained and ruffled his hair, putting a smile on his face. "A better surprise would be if you drew him something."

Chris looked at him as if he was contemplating the idea and then nodded in agreement.

After a while, just as Simba returns to the Pride Lands, Chris turns to Buck again.

"Buck, can you be the one that gives my letter to Santa this year? I don't want Daddy to peak. It has to be a surprise for him too."

Chris surprises Buck too because he's such a good kid.  

"Sure, buddy." it's all he can say.

* * *

_Dear Santa,_

  
_This yaer I write to you to tell you I was mostly good I think maybe even verry good. This yaer I want you to make daddy more happy. He works verry much and that makes him sad some times. I want daddy to be happy like wehn we went to see the big christmas tree in town before mommy left. Buck helps daddy to be happy some times but he cant alweys be here to watch movies and play games with us. Will you please help Santa? Please!_  
  
_If I may also ask for the red dragon LEGO I saw on TV last week please? Or may be the Iron Man mask that Tommy has. And some candy please?_

 _But if its only one thing its okay._  
  
_Thank you Santa! Very much!_

_-Christopher Diaz_

It hits Buck like a wrecking ball if he's honest. It's simple and bittersweet and he's touched by how much Chris wants his dad to be happier. Brings back memories too.

If Buck knows one thing is that he needs to put his red suit on. It was clearly an emergency.

* * *

"Chris, really, if you want your letter to get to Santa, you should give it to me now so he has time to read it. There are, like, millions of kids who send him letters. He needs time." Eddie says, putting on a t-shirt and watching Chris brush his teeth.

"I told you, daddy, I already gave it to someone else. The letter is safe." Chris explains again and waves his toothbrush around to make a point. Eddie can't help but laugh at that.

"Who did you give it to? Carla?"

"I can't tell you, it's a secret." Chris complains. 

"Okay, okay," Eddie puts his hands up in defense, "let's hope it makes it to Santa in time."

"You have to believe in Santa, daddy, he's the best." he encourages his dad.

Eddie smiles.

* * *

Christmas was never spectacular for them in recent years but they made it work with what they had. Put some decorations in place, had a small tree and Eddie always made sure to get Chris what he wanted. It was the least he could do and it helped that Chris never asked for outrageous things. 

But now, as the clock strikes five, Eddie feels like Christmas might be a disaster this year. Chris doesn't want to tell him what he did with the letter, Carla says she didn't get it so Eddie's last hope is Buck, which just finished a long shift. So he calls Buck. And calls again. And again.

Goddamn it.

By six Eddie is fully dressed and ready to either shop for whatever he thinks Chris would want or drop by Buck's to ask about the letter. It was a full on Christmas emergency and Eddie wasn't coming back empty handed. 

"Buddy," he calls and walks to Chris' room, stopping by the door, "can you watch TV for a little while? I have an errand to run."

Chris' eyes widen immediately. Uh-oh.

"But, daddy, you said we'd watch Finding Dory together tonight! It's Christmas!" he complains and Eddie sighs.

"I know, I know, Chris, but I'll be qui-"

He's interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Wait a second, alright?" Eddie tells him and makes a puppy face to lighten up the mood.

"Alright.." Chris replies, not entirely convinced.

Eddie swings open the door just to find Buck on the other side, his arms stacked with shopping bags and what looks like pizza and tacos. He opens his mouth to ask what's going on but Buck shushes him instantly and gestures to Eddie's room. 

They go in quietly and Buck leaves the bags on the bed.

"So you're the one he gave the letter to." Eddie concludes.

"I brought everything. He just needs not to see it until morning, okay?" Buck's grin is so wide that he looks a child on Christmas morning. It's quite endearing. And a bit crazy.

"Buck-"

"Look, don't be upset," Buck gestures wildly, "There's a reason Chris gave me the letter and I'll tell you about it later, okay? I'll text you."

Eddie is at a loss for words. Buck's smile just widened at the sight.

"I'll sneak out right now and-"

"No, stay." Eddie says suddenly, in a determined tone, and realizes he was holding his breath.

"What?" Buck's smile fades a bit, he's confused, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Stay." it's all he manages. 

With that, Buck's face lights up again.

He walks out of the door and yells.

"Chris! I have pizza! What are we watching buddy?"

"Buck!" Eddie can hear Chris shouting from his room and his little steps on the floor almost make him choke.

He realizes Chris was right. He should believe in Santa.

* * *

Eddie can't remember the last time he was this happy. Sure, Buck and Chris often made him happy but to have it all fall in one place like this... Eddie couldn't think of anything more to ask for. The things Buck did for Chris and how much the two bonded over the last couple of months made Eddie's heart melt in the most cliche way. Eddie figures he could never repay Buck for all the help. 

Looking at Buck now, who's laughing with Chris as they mimic Hank, he realizes just how deep he's in love with him and how much that scares him and excites him at the same time.

* * *

After putting Chris to bed _so they can give Santa time to bring his gifts_ , Eddie walks to the kitchen just in time to see Buck washing the dishes. The whole evening seemed surreal for Eddie but the sight of Buck doing something so domestic like he's always been around gives Eddie weak knees. 

And he can't fight his instincts right now so he walks straight to Buck, pulls his arm and kisses him. It's kind of awkward because he almost misses Buck's lips but it feels so natural to be here, so close to him. It's chaste and sweet and Eddie wants more.

Except he soon realizes just how still Buck is. 

Eddie backs off immediately. He shouldn't have done that. He probably ruined it all. 

"Buck, I'm-" _Fuck._

He has no excuse. And he doesn't have time to think of one either because before he knows it, Buck crushes into him, his lips eager on Eddie's already asking for permission to deepen the kiss.

When they run out of breath, Eddie says, "Stay,"

It sounds a bit desperate because he is desperate. He feels like he might have fallen asleep on the couch and is dreaming the whole thing up. 

"I'm not going anywhere." Buck promises.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this was... readable. Haha.
> 
> Merry Christmas! :)


End file.
